Congratulations Stripper with a Fever!

Your job is to gyrate on Formica stages in front of men who can no longer look their wives, daughters, sisters and doctors (because they’re LADY DOCTORS!) in the face.  It’s actually really not that bad for you: you get a lot of attention, you don’t have to get up before noon, and you make a pretty decent amount of money. The downside is that you work entirely on tips and don’t declare them, so you can’t take even a little time off.

Which is why you literally cannot afford to get sick.  Even a handful of days off and you have to cut out one of your expensive habits (you purchase and torch speedboats) or not pay your rent that month.  So the lightheaded feeling you’ve been experiencing over the last few days is a serious problem.  And then fact that you threw up this morning?  Bigger problem.  But it’s not going to keep you from going up on stage and letting the guy who’s drunk at six in the afternoon introduce you to the on-the-way-home-from-work crowd as “Anatazia.”

You’ll stumble up on stage, awkwardly thrusting into the air in front of you in a miserable pantomime of sex.  The air will recoil at your touch, breeze wafting out from you, petrified of you, your illness, the foul smelling sweat leaking out of your pores.

“Ugghhh,” you’ll murmur to the audience, who will cheer at you; half of them come just for the spectacle, the other half to see women in uncomfortable positions.  You’ll be serving all comers today.

You’ll twist, twirl, dribble, thrust, stumble, recover, pirouette, tumble, sackfall, dumbfuck, whirligig, curlychip, funkybunch right into a punkybrewsterswagger face down ass up on the stage, butt offered generously up to the pole.

“Thank yooooou,” you’ll moan at the audience, who will be hurling money on stage at you.  You’ll try to get up and collect it, but the effort will make you vomit violently, pushing a pool out of your gut and into the space in front of you.

Your last thought, before you black out and one of the bouncers picks you and your money up and takes you to a hospital, will be I hope none of my spit-up got on the money.

Congratulations Stripper with a Fever!