Congratulations on Your Sweet New Recruit!

Today you’re going to take the first step towards frat vengeance: you’re going to recruit the greatest partier that ever partied.  His name: Partyman McJohnson.

You’ll arrive at his one bedroom apartment, accompanied by frat bros.

“Sup,” you’ll nod at him when he opens the door.

“Sup,” he’ll respond with a curt upthrust jaw.  He’ll look old, worn down.  Like life took a little too much out of him.  He’ll be holding a coffee cup in his hand filled with whiskey.

You’ll explain the situation to him: deans, dastardly presidents and damsels all laid out in classic form to make a frat underdog story.  He’ll shake his head when you finish.

“Naw, bra,” he’ll mumble as he sips his whiskey.  “That ain’t me no more.”

You’ll be shattered.  But then you’ll remember your frat orientation seminar and cock out your arms, pointing your thumbs up and saying “Duuuuuude,” to him in a long, drawn out manner.

He’ll look at you like you’re crazy, like you just lost your god damn mind.  Then he’ll smile and nod at you.

“Duuuuuuuude,” he’ll reply, holding out his hand for a handshake. You’ll take it and bro-shake the shit out of that hand.  Thus will conclude phase one of your elaborate revenge plan.

Phases two through four to follow.

Congratulations on Your Sweet New Recruit!