Taco Tuesday is a sacred trust, one reserved for the closest of friends and the vilest of enemies under times of parlay. It’s an institution, one of the few truly American cultural institutions around today. It’s like the fourth of July, but weekly. Or it was, until you invited yourself along to a new event you’ve dubbed “Taco Wednesday.”
It’ll actually be two co-workers of yours going out on a taco-themed date and you asking if you can come with. They’ll both feel so awkward about the situation that they’ll panic and say “yes” just to keep you from weeping openly the time you did when you ran out of paperclips once.
You’ll chew with your mouth open the entire time, order a burrito instead of tacos and insist on watching your co-workers have awkward taco-sex after the fact. The next day you’ll talk about the date endlessly to everyone, discussing how weird the guy’s penis looked and how bad the girl’s vagina smelled in detail that will make even the most socially retarded of your co-workers feel uncomfortable.
When all is said and done the concept of Taco Tuesday will be so eroded and corrupted that no one will ever be able to think of it the same way again. Although, to your credit, it will be replaced with “awkward date exacerbated by a douchebag Wednesday,” which, while less pleasant, will be no less popular.
Congratulations on Ruining Taco Tuesday for Everyone!
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