Today you’re a goth tween and life is really hard. Really, really hard. As a young, middle class white girl the challenges of interacting with other people and learning in school before going home to your house with running water and electricity has got to seem completely overwhelming at times. But things are going to change real soon.
Early today an EMP is going to detonate in the upper-stratosphere, disabling power in your urban center. We don’t want to tell you just which one, because that might help you inform the FBI about what’s gonna go down and we know you’d do it just to be a killjoy. After that EMP detonates and services cease completely it’ll take less than four hours for the entire city to fall into chaos. The surrounding towns and townships will last an additional two hours before a cannibal-dominated insano-state emerges to fill the void.
During this time you’ll learn many lessons about growing up, womanhood, and murder. You’ll also learn about consequences in the ensuing days when the National Guard arrives, restores order, and tries you for multiple counts of petty larceny and accessory to murder. It’ll make everything in your normal life seem so much better that instead of pouting all the time you’ll just shut the fuck up for five minutes and let us finish our fucking burrito supremes.
Congratulations Goth Tween!
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