Congratulations Cheap Mother Fucker!

Today you’re going to get a phone call from a very angry man.

“WE HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER,” he’ll shout in a tinny, robotic voice.

You’ll be taken aback by his rudeness at first, but then you’ll think about the situation for a second.

“What do you want?” you’ll ask calmly. The robot voice will laugh.

“TEN MILLON DOLLARS.” It might as well have said space bucks instead of dollars for all the likelihood you’re going to pay it, but you’ll resist the urge to burst out laughing at the tinny voice and calmly clear your throat.

“Which daughter?” you’ll ask, You only have two, and one of them will be in the room with you at the time, so you’ll already know the answer, but it’ll be funnier to ask this way.

“BROOKE, I THINK. SHE’S OLDER AND SHE LIKES HEROIN.”

Your suspiscions confirmed and your amazing exit set up, you’ll hang up the phone, never to hear from the kidnappers again.

Congratulations Cheap Mother Fucker!