Congratulations on Not Thinking About Her For a Full Day!

Today you’re not going to think about her for a whole day. You won’t remember why you feel that nagging sense of loss in the back of your head, why your muscles are sore and your feet drag with every step. You’ll pick up your dry cleaning like a normal, sad little person, get a cup of coffee and sip on it and wonder why it lacks vim, vigor, pep. It’ll just taste hot to you, but you won’t attribute it to her being out of your life at all.

Then you’ll go to work and try to hammer out seven and a half hours of productivity and feel completely empty and devoid of hope, but you won’t for one moment think that if she was waiting for you at home you’d magically feel better. You’ll eat a flavorless lunch, feel unsatisfied and trudge back to your apartment when your shitty day is done again, but none of your time will be spent thinking about her eyes or smell or the sound of her voice when she was laughing at something that was more mean than funny.

At home you’ll smoke a cigarette on your porch, stub it out and watch the shitty movie Netflix sent you alone. You’ll drink an eighth of a bottle of scotch without really noticing it and eat your leftovers quietly without weeping, without crying out her name. Then you’ll consider sleep and wonder why you should even bother without necessarily attaching your despondence to her.

When the clock ticks to midnight her face will rush into your head like water through a freshly opened sluice gate. You’ll start to cry before you know what’s going on, but when awareness catches up with you you’ll realize that your tears just mean all is good and right with the world. She’s gone and life is much much harder than it has any right being. You’ll smile a little and wrap your coarse blanket around yourself while you sip on some more whiskey and update your Netflix queue, wondering what she’s doing now, who she’s with and if they make her laugh the way you used to.

Congratulations on Not Thinking About Her For a Full Day!