Congratulations on Finishing Your Word Search!

You do your word search every day on the bus like a good little office drone, circling the appropriate groups of letters to solve a “puzzle” normally reserved for children and the mentally handicapped. And on most days, when you finish, you just fold your paper and whistle to the frustration of everyone else on your bus. But today things will go a little differently.

As you circle the last word (campsite, spelled upside-down) the bus will begin to shudder around you. Not the earth, the bus itself. From your paper, across your skin and clothing and into the chairs and chassis of the bus, eldritch symbols will erupt, burning with incandescent energy. They’ll strobe and resolve into glowing runes, patterns simultaneously alien and eerily familiar.

After a few seconds of strobing and glowing the bus will shudder and hellspawn will emerge from the bus. They’ll be little suckers, only seven feet tall with horns and barbs coming out of their body at every angle and their phalluses, dangling dangerously scimitars still in scabbars, will have strange hooks imbedded in them. They’ll shriek horribly and claw at the residents of the bus, searching through them, clearly looking for something.

When they reach you they’ll tear the paper from your hands and cheer. One of them will rip your clothes off while another mounts you. The rest will form a circle around you and begin chanting incantations to an ancient god, wordless mumblings with dramatic portent to them. As they continue the color of the runes on the bus will shift from purple and red to hues indescribable, hues that do not belong in our world. And then, in a flash, you’ll be teleported from the bus to a barren hellscape, where the demons will proceed to rape and torture you in ways even we’re uncomfortable discussing here until you beg for death and are offered the choice between taking your own skin and joining their number or forever losing your member.

Your bus-mates will never wonder where you went.

Congratulations on Finishing Your Word Search!