At the end of the interview you'll stand up, stretch your
arms way above your head and scratch your stubble. Then you'll let out a long belch and scratch
your groin, just for good measure.
"That's what's up," you'll announce to the stuffed
shirts you just talked to about your relationship with P-funk for an hour and a
half. "That's how I do." They'll look at you like you're the most
offensive retarded baby they've ever met, like if you were to kill yourself
right then and there they'd be overjoyed, but when you stick out your hand and
they take it, you'll grip just right and give them a quick two-pump.
When you release the head stuffed suit will look at his
hand, then look at you, then shout:
"YOU'RE HIRED!"
You'll do the "two-snaps and a twist" move and
then, while holding your palm up to his face, scream "I KNOW IT
BITCHES!" at allcaps volume before running out of the room, laughing like
a horse, leaving the interview staff behind you baffled, wondering what just
happened, why it happened, and what they're going to do with someone as
worthless as you in their company.
"Handshake coordinator?" the lead stuffed suit
will ask the interview room, to an audible cascade of shrugs
Congratulations on Your Firm Handshake!
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