Today will be pretty normal.
You'll wake up at nine, roll out of bed and get to the studio by ten,
where your "models" will be waiting.
We put "models" in quotes because you photograph various
shapes, sizes, shades, and conceptual iterations of orange crackers that sad
people eat, so realistically, they're always waiting for you and a team of
"make-up artists" to put orange paint and salt on them to make the
whole cracker package a little bit more appealing.
When you arrive at work you'll begin your day the same way
you always do: by checking your schedule to see just how many Cheezit boxes
need to be done in a given day. The
answer today, as it usually is, will be zero, so you'll be left to decide
between idly photographing Cheezits to potentially save yourself work later, or
drinking alone in your studio during the day while your make-up artists play
games on their i-Phones. You'll choose
the latter. You often do.
This means that when you get home to your apartment tonight
you'll feel sadder than usual. You'll consider
the gun in the drawer of your bedside table, a potential release, but you'll be
so drunk by the time you get in that you won't even be able to stagger to your
own bed to fall asleep. You'll end up
sprawled on the couch, remote in hand, desperately trying to figure out how to
change the channel to something other than HSN. A dreamless sleep will find you in the midst
of a pitch program that you'll never fully remember, something about a man with
a beard, perhaps, or a blonde woman, and some product other than Cheezits, a
product that you might one day be called upon to design art for.
Congratulations Cheezit Art Director!
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