Oh, great. It's Mister
Wonderful. Today, after you wake up,
you're going to work out, as usual, then, once you're done working out, you're
going to kiss your wife goodbye and head to work.
Today, you'll be doing some pro-bono work for impoverished client
who live in section 8 housing who are being foreclosed on by predatory real
estate agents. After you finish your
work early, you'll help your pregnant office-mate finish up her tasks for the
day, then head to lunch.
On your break, you'll buy a homeless person lunch, help an old
woman across the street, and then convince some kids at a corner store to stay
off drugs, buy a bunch of organic lentils and make a stew for your entire
office.
They'll respond by rolling their eyes at you and encouraging
you to go home early, but you'll refuse, and keep working on like, six or seven
other cases so that your office can generally streamline its function. When the day is done, your office will be
ahead of schedule on almost all of its tasks.
In the downtime, you'll have successfully planned the office Christmas
party and organized a charity drive to help kids with cleft palates.
When you're done, your wife will pick you up in your smart
car. She'll offer to go down on you
while she drives you home, but you'll refuse, on the basis that it would make
you an unsafe driver. Then, when you get
home, you'll fuck her until she can't walk, then retire to make dinner in a
satin robe.
We'd like to say something awful will happen to you during
that process, like hot oil scarring up your dick or something, but it
won't. You'll make a wonderful dinner,
and then fuck your wife again after you're done before watching HBO with her
until you fall asleep.
We hate you, but it's mostly because we wish we were
you. You fucking dipshit. You're a great dude.
Congratulations Wonderful Man!
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