Hey there kid. We're
the collective entity known as Sexy Results and we wanted to let you know that
we recently met your mom in a bar and...
Well, about two thirds of us think she's really swell, and she's willing
to put up with our Tourettic cursing and excessive drinking, and we're willing
to hold her in the night through her night terrors and weeping, so we're moving
into your place.
Now, this is going to bring up a number of questions. Let's answer them now. Yes, we fucked your mom. No, we don't need you to call us new
dad. There are somewhere around four and
seven women in the mix over here, and none of us want anyone thinking we raised
a son even remotely like you. No
offense, it's just, who goes into Used Car Sales? What are you, an Ethiopian refugee?
We also don't plan on messing any of your stuff up. We have our own stuff, and we'll hold on to
our old places. At least for a
while. We don't want to put too much
pressure on this thing with your mom, but we're really into her and we want to
see if it'll work, so we're giving it a very real try.
We're glad we had this talk, and we hope you don't mind in a
few weeks when we get your mom to throw you out so we can finally get this
thing started right, and by started right I mean "have sex in your bed and
then post pictures of it for you to find on Instagram." We'd say we look forward to getting to know
you better, but really, we already know more about you than we'd like.
Congratulations Margaret's Son!
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