Friday, September 20, 2013

Congratulations Fake Historian!



Historian is written by the victors.

Unfortunately, your people haven't won a battle in generations.  Like, thirty generations.

There are two ways you can fix that.  You can become better at war, which is super unrealistic, and terribly unlikely.  Or you can create your own history, one that rewrites the world in your image.

It's gonna be tricky.  You're gonna have to cut out all the various peoples who have won wars over the millennia. Black people, gone.  White people, definitely gone.  Asian people outside of the Philippines, super gone.

You'll be left with a history of the world that denies the existence of the majority of the nations in the world.  People different than you, that is to say, people who don't live in your hyperspecific, resource barren yet constantly contested little slice of the planet, will be totally unmentioned.  You'll instead construct an image of the world as a wonderfully barren sphere where life constantly collapses upon itself.

This will be tricky, because your country is small, and has wifi.  You'll have to construct an elaborate campaign to inform all of your nation's youth of how foul and perfidious all of the outsiders, with their different appearances and cultures capable of winning at armed conflict, are.  The trick here will be instilling your people with the terrifying sense that they're in constant danger when they're in the room with anyone who looks different from them.

You can also try to block internet access to every country but the Philippines, and only invite Filipino people to visit you.  But, really, that's doomed to failure; your country doesn't even control its own borders, it sucks so bad.  Technically, it's not even a country.

Just give it up, dude.

Congratulations Fake Historian!

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