The old man will stumble down the stairs wearing a tattered
tank top, clutching a rifle in his hand.
At first you'll brace yourself to leap out of the window, but it will
quickly become apparent that the world's greatest granddad, as you'll
immediately name him in your head, can barely hold the rifle up, let alone aim
and fire it.
"God damn kids," he'll shout. "I didn't kill every Jap in town so you
could come in here and rain on my parade," he'll continue without prompting.
You won't respond to him verbally. He'll be just like everyone else in this
community: a weird, racist old dude who has an expensive chair that he sits in
all day. You're relieving him of his
prized chair, and then donating to an orphanage, where ethnically diverse
children will play on it. It's how you
restore balance to the world.
You'll leave a note outlining these facts, highlighting how
selfish it is for him to keep all of his things to himself as life slowly
drains from his feeble body. You'll also
explain how racist southerners killed your dad while shouting "Jap"
at him, even though you're obviously Thai.
Since you only target racist grandparents, that leads to
them informing the police that they need to find "some god damn
Chinaman," which puts the police squarely off your scent, and on the tail
of the already corrupt Laundromat Mafia, which killed your mother in a racially
motivated hate crime a few years back too (it cuts both ways).
So tonight, as you remove this chair from this old man's
living room and he struggles to chase after you with a loaded gun he can no
longer use, resist the urge to give him the finger. You're a sort of modern day Robin Hood, and
if you start flipping off the elderly, you're going to lose the high ground
fast, and that means the police will catch up with you much, much sooner than
you'd like.
Congratulations Barca Lounger Bandit!
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