Congratulations Polite Crack Fiend!

When the man in the tuxedo walks past you, you’ll know you’ve hit pay dirt.  You’ll stumble to your feet, steadying yourself on a nearby drain pipe to ease the process along.  Then you’ll begin your shtick, clearing your throat before politely requesting:

“Pardon sirrah, have you a dollar to spare?”

The man will act as if he didn’t hear you, which will lead to you tugging ever so gently on his sleeve.

“Beg pardon, sir.  I seek funds for crack cocaine.  I’d lie to you and claim that it’s for food, but such a gesture would be tremendously ungentlemanly.”

The man will pause for a moment.  A smile will creep across his face.

“What would you do for fifteen dollars?” he’ll ask, the bulge in his pants already taking shape.

“Felatio it is!” you’ll cheerily announce, extending your hand to the man in the tuxedo for a quick shake before you guide him to the alley.  Once there you’ll begin tepidly conducting oral sex upon this gentleman.  As he nears orgasm, you’ll stop, remove a straight razor from your pocket and slit the gentleman’s throat to the spine.  He’ll die gurgling.

“Terribly sorry,” you’ll murmur at him as you collect his clothes.  You’ll give him a quick kick on your way away, then trundle off to sell his possessions as politely as possibly overjoyed to have more money to give to Manuel, your crack salesperson.  And what’s more, you acquired these funds without ever losing composure or resorting to bad manners.  A capital day overall!

Congratulations Polite Crack Fiend!