Congratulations on Finding Something New to Pierce!

Lips, eyebrows, nose (each side), ears.  Dermal anchors in your chest, cheeks, and forehead.  Your nipples, your clit, your labia.  All of them pierced.  You travel exclusively by train or speedboat, you hate your father, and you’re pretty sure you’re out of things to pierce.  Well, you were pretty sure this morning.

But by the time this afternoon rolls around you’re going to be singing a very, very different tune.  And the name of that tune will be “Shove That Sterile Instrument Through the Skin Between My Vagina and My Anus.”  That’s right, today you’re going to join the ranks of people with pierced taints.  It’s going to hurt tremendously, ruin sex for you, and bowel movements are going to generate an impressively disproportionate risk of infection for the next few months.  It’ll decrease soon, but remain higher than normal for the rest of your life, thanks to the holes in your body where shit can get stuck.

Upsides will include being able to tell people you have a pierced taint and being able to relate to Courtney Love on a very specific level.

We’re not sure those things qualify as upsides, come to think of it.  Ah well.  Enjoy your pierced taint!  If you ever have a child, be sure to remove that piercing before you enter your third trimester.

Congratulations on Finding Something New to Pierce!