Congratulations Bisquick Kid!

Cooking shows in America are amazing.  There’s a tendency to make a nuanced, deeply incisive investigation of every subculture, no matter how narrow it might seem, and then televise said investigation of said subculture to a rapt and surprisingly expansive audience.

You’re going to be the star of the latest of these shows.

The pitch: kids watch TV.  Kids have parents.  Those parents love seeing their kids do adorable shit.  You kids (this phrase is used generally to refer to kids at large), in this case, might do adorable shit by making your parents breakfast.  Sponsored by Betty Crocker, you (the kid who isn’t a part of the family in question and is, in fact, an orphan who wishes she had parents) are going to help other kids (the previously mentioned kids) make their parents unique breakfasts, most of which center around Bisquick products.

The catch: Bisquick is really limited in its application.  You can make pancakes, muffins, quiches, and a few other things, though it is generally considered inadvisable to make biscuits using Bisquick, oddly enough.

That means a series where the bulk of the episodes are variations on pancakes.  That means your weird subcultural show is going to go a layer deeper and become a weird subcultural show that plays on its own weird subcultural appeal.  You’re going to have to appeal not only to people who want to watch children cook their parents breakfast using readymade mixes, but also to people who want to watch children cook their parents unusual breakfasts using readymade mixes.

That means Bisquick will be used to make all the standard Berry and Chocolate and Nut pancakes, but also things like Fish Pancakes (sounds better than it tastes), Walrus Pancakes (sounds exactly as good as it tastes), Snake Venom Pancakes (the best fucking pancakes anyone has ever tasted).  This will all be happening during your first season, by the way.  God help you if you get renewed.  You’ll certainly have the ratings to.  We recommend going to Japan for season 2, they’re bonkers for weird culinary tomfoolery over there.

Oh, and we know you’re wondering, so we wanted to make sure you knew that no, this would not bring your parents back.

Congratulations Bisquick Kid!