Congratulations on Finding the Hay in the Needlestack!

America.  Unemployment.  Tough times.  You know the rest!  So you gotta take work where you can get it!

For you, that means working in a needle factory, filled with needles all the time.  Needles, after all, are a thing that people need, and they’re never gonna stop needing them as long as the government keeps putting floride in our water so that we keep wanting heroin so god damn much.

Your job, in particular, involves making sure that the piles of needles that get shipped out all over the USA contain needles, and only needles.  Any impurity, however small, will destroy product integrity and, because of a “quantum resonance effect” used in the packaging process, destroy all the needles your company strives so hard to create.

That means you have to pick through piles of needles, looking for any stray bits of hay that fall into the needle piles.  You work long hours, you injure yourself frequently, and the majority of piles of needles have zero pieces of hay in them, making your job feel entirely meaningless.  That makes the fact that it’s tedious and painful that much worse.

Well, cheer up charley!  Because today, after hours searching through a pointy heap of stainless steel, you’re going to find a piece of hay!  It’s days like today that keep you from electrocuting yourself in the tub.

Have fun waking up tomorrow, where you’ll enjoy your one day off.  That day consists mostly of you applying bactine to your mangled hands and looking for new jobs online.

Congratulations on Finding the Hay in the Needlestack!