Congratulations Basketball Face!

Everyone on a basketball team has a job.  The coach coaches.  The point guard guards points.  The skyhooks score points, and the white guy fulfills diversity requirements in a charming inversion of traditional social morays and expectations.

You get hit in the face with the ball.

There are a lot of occasions where this can come in handy.  Let’s say a fan would usually get hit in the face with a rogue rebound.  You get hit in the face instead.  Let’s say a coach wants to whip a ball at a player’s face and that player would be injured.  You get to take the hit instead.

It’s not glorious, but it pays the bills (you make a phenomenal sum of money considering all you do is get hit in the face with basketballs).  And you don’t mean to complain, but sometimes it is a little frustrating to never be in the limelight.

Tonight you’re going to get your chance.  Tonight, thanks to a byzantine rule of HORSE that got worked into the basketball by-laws, your team will need you.  Down by three points, they’ll only have one shot at winning this: putting the ball into the hoop from half-court.

Thanks to a last minute substitution of Curly Joe, your team will be good to go.  Curly will hurl the ball into your face and it’ll fly from your skull into the basket.  Head ringing, you’ll be lifted up into the air by cheering fans.  Your skull will vibrate and you’ll taste blood in your mouth, but it’ll be worth it for this one moment of glory.

In a few days you’ll go back to being an old stolid workhorse, but tonight you’ll sleep a hero’s sleep.

Congratulations Basketball Face!