America’s farm subsidy system is fucked. But what most people don’t know is that you
can actually paid to farm dirt, thanks to former Shadow President Cheney. You just have to make sure that absolutely
nothing grows in the giant slab of land that you own. Most of Wyoming is actually made up of these
dirt farms. Don’t believe us? Visit Wyoming!
Yeah, we didn’t think anyone would.
Anyhow, today you’re going to make the rounds in your fields
with a flamethrower, torching any saplings that appear down to nothing. When the smoke clears, you’ll dig up the
roots and torch the hole as well.
When you’re finished you’ll sit on the porch and drink a
mint julep, reflecting on how the field looks like loamy glass, rolling waves
of dead earth muffling the silence of nature for acres around you.
Congratulations Fallow Field Obsessed Farmer!
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