Congratulations on Your Improper Funnel Usage!

As a “mad” chemist in your teens your experiments lack the zing of your fathers. Your dad does cool stuff like develop supersaturated acids and toxins that can proliferate reservoirs in seconds. He even made a sentient solvent once which could think, feel, understand Goethe and selectively eliminate chemical bonds.

You, on the other hand, spend most of your time dropping Mentos (The Freshmaker!) into Diet Coke and running around the gushing bottle in circles, pumping your fists wildly. It would be adorable if you were younger but at this point it’s just depressing.

You know it, and that’s why you’re going to kick your chemistry up a notch by doing some light terrorism. You’re going to geobomb a local lake.

But you’re pretty OCD, just like your dad, so you’re going to want to test your compounds first. Normally this would be a great idea but you’re not the brightest bulb in the discount lighting emporium. You’re going to place your volatile salt sample in a metal container with a small opening and ram a foot of tubing in there. Then you’ll run that foot of tubing to a funnel under a tap a short distance away.

After attaching some blank papers to a clip board and scribbling on them you’ll turn the tap on and the experiment will be underway.

At first everything will go fine. The water will flow through the tubing and come into contact with the reactive metal. You’ll hear it sizzling from across the room. But the pressure of oncoming water will keep going and the reactive metal will keep...well, reacting. Eventually, thanks to the pressure of the tubing, it’ll eject the tube and spray boiling water all over the room.

You’ll be blinded when some of it lands right in your fucking eyes because you’re going to be too much of a dumbass to wear your safety goggles. Better hope daddy can chemistry up a cure for that, kiddo!

Congratulations on Your Improper Funnel Usage!