Congratulations on Going to the Movies!

You’ve been a hostage for a while now and that basement cellar has got to be feeling pretty small. Well, we’ve got some good news for you! You’re going to be getting out soon!

Tomorrow after James, the masked guard with soft hands who “rapes” you, finishes up he’s going to fall asleep spooning you, leaving your needs unsatisfied just as he almost always does. You’ll bite your lip and tenderly slip out from between his arms, leaving the body pillow they offered you as your sole creature comfort in his arms.

You’ll whisper an apology to the pillow as you pull away, making James start in his sleep. But after a heart wrenching few seconds he’ll settle back into his slumber and you’ll carefully rummage through his pants until you find his keys.

After that it’ll be a quick tiptoe through the basement of a certain Halliburton ex-CEO before you’re free. You’ll want to rush off to a news studio to make your story public, but you’ll be pretty far away and it’ll be super late. You won’t want to wait around for a bus for fear of being recaptured and you won’t want to call a cab because you only have around thirty dollars in your wallet and that isn’t nearly enough for the fare.

So your options will be limited to finding a nearby newspaper office (since newspapers require actual work to produce they never close, unlike television news studios, open for only half an hour every day, or one hour in some special cases) or finding a place to lay low until daybreak.

And while Cheyenne, Wyoming doesn’t have a lot of people who can read it does have a lot of whorehouses and movie theaters!

You’ll be frightened of the sort of whore thirty dollars will get you, so you’ll wander about until you find a shady looking theater open late at night. You’ll purchase a ticket, some popcorn and a cup for water from the concierge and sit in the lobby until Couples Retreat starts.

You won’t have seen any previews, so you won’t know what to expect, but you’ll recognize a bunch of the actors as being fucking hilarious people. After an hour, though, you’ll sort of wish you’d waited a little bit longer in James’ arms before escaping. Maybe your cell really wasn’t so bad after all.

Congratulations on Going to the Movies!