You’re a smoking hot homeless woman with a heart as shriveled and black as the penis of that frostbitten man you slept with one time and you aren’t really happy with your life. You love living rent free and surviving on the kindness of men who wish they could take you home, if only they had the courage to ask you to become their live-in love slave, but most people who hear you describe your lifestyle (normally while drinking PBR in Montage) consider you a bit of a loser.
You’re sick of those less attractive women with jobs and families judging you, but you love your life way too much to change even slightly towards this end. That’s why you’re going to set a plan into motion today to redefine success.
For the most part it’ll consist of you sleeping with enough English nerds and literati to acquire a critical mass of language freaks. This will probably take you between four and twelve weeks. You’ll occasionally be fucking between two and four people a day, so remember your Kegels or you risk losing everything.
After you’ve got your loyal army of near-virgins under your thumb you’ll put them to work updating the OED. If you’ve done your job right they’ll ascribe your lifestyle to success as a definition enough times that you should be able to open up the OED’s website and show any stuck up bitch you happen to run into in a bar that you are, in fact, quite successful, thank you very much.
Congratulations on Redefining Success!
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