During winter, your kind is hunted, but today, you are the
hunter. See, you're a sentient Christmas
Tree, and, during the summer months, when your fronds are at their lushest and
your branches their strongest, you turn the tables on the hoo-man who prey on
you during the winter months and make it your business to track, torture, and
kill as many two-legged fiends as possible.
Today you're going to finish up a particularly brutal hunt
against a hoo-man lumberjack named Thomas.
Thomas will be starving after three days on the run, moderately insane
and, at the end, will be calling you by his father's name. You'll kill him by ramming your branch into
his rectum until it breaches his organs from the inside. He'll die, calling you Jeffery, blood
bubbling from his lips. You'll toss his
corpse into a cave filled with your young who, in turn, will begin the
incredibly slow process of devouring it.
It will take about four months.
With his body secured in your tree-den, you'll begin
tracking down your next target: a schoolteacher from Akron, Ohio, who purchased
the corpse of one of your daughters years ago and decorated it with electric
lights, glass bulbs, and silver tinsel.
You'll intend to make her die screaming, and terribly sane.
Congratulations Sentient Christmas Tree!
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