Congratulations Particularly Interesting Biscuit!

When Magda sees you she'll make the sign of the cross and start muttering to herself in Latin.  You won't understand any of it; you're a biscuit, after all, and lack the capacity to comprehend language.  You'll grasp, thanks to the cosmic interconnectivity of all things that stoners have known about for a long time, that you're important to her, but how will be unclear, since Magda's aura will be mad fucked up, and incapable of broadcasting signals, beyond this sort of spiky, generalized rage.

So we're here not just to inform you of Magda's response, which, as you know, will be freaksoutville, directed at you.  We're also here to give you some tasty, tasty context.  Magda, good Christian Magda, loves a good biscuit.  She's been making them every day using the same technique for decades, and the result has been unvaried until this morning, when you appeared.

See, you're a bit of an odd shape.  We don't mean that as a bad thing - we're just saying, you look funny, kind of like the face of a bearded man in profile.  And you've got a strange pattern of burning on you that reinforces the whole "profile of a man" deal.  Basically, Magda thinks you look like an especially important non-biscuit named Jesus, and she's going to go kind of apeshit over you.

She'll call up papers, get people from the local news over, refuse to eat you, donate you to a church, and talk to people about how you told her, through the word of god, that she should dedicate her life to feeding those who have no one else.  This will lead to her raising money for, and then summarily opening, a soup kitchen in a few months.

Unfortunately, the reason you ended up quite so misshapen in the first place is that Magda is starting to lose motor control, and the reason she forgot about fucking up one of her biscuits has to do with her slowly failing short term memory.  You're actually indicative of some pretty serious neurological problems, and you're a marker of Magda's fast fading capacity to care for herself.  You're a sign that she has only a few good years left.  So really, the whole thing is kind of bittersweet.  Enjoy your place of honor in the rectory, until an enthusiastic and very hungry mouse eats you in about a week.  In the end, you'll have done considerably more with your life than most biscuits ever do.

Congratulations Particularly Interesting Biscuit!