When you roll out of bed you'll look at the suicide vest,
draped over a chair, arming pins still latched into all ten explosive charges,
the only gap in the bubble wrapping that surrounds them with marbles and nuts
and bolts. You'll look at the vest and let
out a long sigh before turning back over and deciding that today really isn't a
great day for dismantling the Great American Satan. Today isn't a good day to die for the glory
of Mandibular, the weird god you made up to justify your weird, overly specific
brand of terrorism. Today is a good day
to call in sick and watch all of Sherlock on Netflix.
You're going to pick up your i-Phone, set a snooze timer of
about an hour and a half, and then go back to sleep. When you wake up you'll order a pizza and
some wings and eat that, and nothing but that, for the rest of the day.
Will it be kind of depressing? Sure, a little. But you'll enjoy watching Sherlock quite a
bit, and after about an hour, your terrorist buddies will stop calling you,
leaving you to peacefully enjoy the rest of the day without blowing yourself up
in a crowded mall after shouting "HAIL MANDIBULAR!" That'll be pretty nice.
Oh, and people won't die.
Always a plus!
Congratulations Lethargic Terrorist!
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