Congratulations New Dog in Town!

Aw snap!  Today you're a dog, so when we tell you to fuck every bitch in this town, we're not being disrespectful.  We're being technically correct!

And when we see you're going to die today, we're also not being metaphorical or colloquial or anything like that.  We're just telling it like it is.

See you're a really handsome dog.  You smell nice, at least to other dogs, you look really hot, again, to other dogs, and you're hung like an especially well endowed dog.  If you had a personality, it would be decent, at best, but dogs don't have personalities and, as a result, you're just a super hot dog, at least where dogs are concerned.

But here's the problem: you don't really have staying power.  In the countryside, you might fuck a bitch a month, and you'd never have to worry about things like doggy herpes, doggy syphilis, or doggy AIDS.  But here in the big city?  All of that shit is rampant.  And the population density of female dogs means that you, quite literally will not be able to get away.  You'll be backed into a corner within minutes of wandering into The Big City, and you'll be held there by the firm hindquarters of dozens of hounds, unable to move far or fast enough to liberate yourself.

At first you won't want to: the parade of dog pleasure will be pleasant enough, but before long it will begin to sap your strength.  You will find yourself steadily weakening until, at long last, the combinant fluids from dog sex metastasize into a sort of super-STI that will, in turn, ravage your body in a matter of seconds.  You will literally come to death as dogs bay at you for your sex: your final ejaculations will be little more than blood.

But hey, what a way to die!  We know we'd like to go like that, but you know us, we're crazy!  Also, some of us are sexually attracted to dogs.

Congratulations New Dog in Town!