Congratulations New Boss!

As you're led through the sea of cubicles that make up your new domain Greg, the employee who is showing you around, will stop by each of your employees to give you a handful of details about each person you're about to become responsible for.  You'll learn about Sally's avid love of cats, Gary's erectile dysfunction, Gareth's blog, and Karl with a K's violent murder of the previous boss.

"What?" you'll ask Greg.

"Oh," he'll sigh.  "Karl's parents were illiterate, so they spelled his name with a K because that's how they thought it was normally spelled.  And he killed our last boss in a violent rage with a hammer."

"Why isn't he in jail?" you'll inquire.

Greg will gesture at Karl, who will wave at you affably.

"His cousin is the assistant DA, so he planted cocaine on the old boss and made it look like he was running the drug ring that Karl has been operating out of our office for the last few weeks."

After revealing this fact Greg will clap and laugh at himself.

"God, how could I forget that?" He'll make a sweeping gesture in Karl's direction.  "Karl runs an international drug ring using office resources.  Mostly just the copier and email.  Some mailroom stuff, but he does a good job of keeping it under control."

Karl will look at you and shrug, silently indicating that he's that guy in this office.

You'll stare at Karl for a little bit after that, while Greg continues walking, oblivious to the fact that you'll have stopped following him.  Karl will be sitting at his desk, working normally, doing his best to pretend you're not there.  During the minute and a half you spend watching him he'll complete some paperwork, answer an email, and make a quick phone call to a client to check in on the progress of a project he's been working on with them.  When you finally move on there will be no evidence of any evil-doing occurring in your absence, but you'll be unsettled all the same.

Later on, while you're leaving, you'll see Karl packing a man sized trash bag into the trunk of his Trans Am.  He'll give you another wave, similar to the one he gave you before, as well as another shrug, as if to say crazy office life.  You'll drive home trembling, wondering just what you've gotten yourself into, determined not to upset Karl, at least not until you find a way to transition out of the wholesale construction supply business.

Congratulations New Boss!