Congratulations on Getting Into Her Panties For a Night!

You’ve been chasing after Becki for a while now. She’s a sweet young girl who lives a few doors down from you and she’s just the kind of almost-dyke found on liberal arts college campuses across the nation that you find so mouth wateringly gorgeous. She’s also nice and approachable, instead of kind of bitchy, so it should come as no surprise that you’ve been after her crotch since the day the two of you met (orientation.)

But there’s a hitch. Becki’s niceness comes at the cost of her being a genuine, caring human being who likes to know people before sleeping with them. Since you’re double majoring in math and philosophy this is a serious problem. It’s not at all abnormal for people to walk away from you as you’re in the middle of a statement about continental philosophy or pi or some other boring anecdote that you’ve tried to jam into the conversation to prove just how smart all those fucking AP classes made you.

As a result you’ve been conversing with her furtively and stalking her a lot. Tuesday this stalking with culminate in your being in her room “studying” with her and her roommate. Her and her roomie will leave for a quick bathroom break and you’ll toss the room in traditional mathematician fashion, finding and donning a pair of her panties in record time.

Once those cotton wonders are wrapped around your junk you’ll be on cloud nine. You’ll pose in front of the room’s full length mirror, nodding at your reflection and smiling suggestively. That is, until Becki and her roommate reenter.

There will be a heartbeat where all of you just stare at one another, waiting to see who will make the first move. It’ll be as if a mystical wizard cast a freeze spell upon you and the panties were the spell focus (you also play Dungeons and Dragons – strike two). Unfortunately the spell will be broken when her roommate leaves the room in disgust, saying “Fuck this,” under her breath and walking away.

Becki, however, will shock you, demurring over to you and kissing you passionately. It turns out she’s into weirdly aggressive stalkers, which would ordinarily be strike three, but Becki is far from normal.

The two of you will engage in a brief whirlwind romance until she gets to know you better. Then she’ll have pity sex with you before leaving your room without speaking and avoiding you for the next week and a half. Come second semester she’ll transfer to a new dorm to avoid seeing you quite so often in passing and by third semester your asinine personality and total lack of sexual prowess will become something of a running joke with her and her friends.

Congratulations on Getting Into Her Panties For a Night!