Today and today only you’re William “Refrigerator” Perry. Life’s been hard for you for the last decade or two, and it’s been going downhill ever since you stopped appear on various Fox shows with “celebrity” in the title, but today it’s going to get better.
While attempting to sell some of the G.I. Joes made in your image on e-Bay to various nerds and hipsters so that you can make your credit card payments this month you’ll stumble on to a website called You-tube. On You-tube users will be able to share and watch streaming videos of almost anything.
Since you’re still a huge narcissist at heart the first thing you’ll type in is your famed Super Bowl Shuffle to see if anyone’s posted a video. What you’ll discover is a bevy of gangly white teens emulating your once graceful dance to Super Bowl fame.
You’ll run out of the coffee shop to a nearby payphone where you’ll contact your lawyer, leaving him a panicked voicemail about a potential intellectual property suit. He’ll send you an email the next day informing you that while your retainer is used up he’d gladly take the case as long as he receives fifty percent of any awards.
You’ll assent without hesitation and the two of you will begin suing kids who just wanted to videotape themselves dancing until you’re financially solvent and the national news has begun to cover your avaricious lawsuit with all the intent of a shark circling its prey. This will in turn trigger a brief resurgence in the popularity of your song and increased sales of said song on i-Tunes and in various vinyl shops specializing in the resale of novelty records. Within three months the entire thing will have faded from the national news, and you’ll return to total obscurity.
So will begin and end your brief return to cultural relevancy.
Congratulations on Bringing Back the Super Bowl Shuffle!
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