You and your girlfriend get along pretty well, spare one key disagreement: she thinks the Bowflex is better, you know that the Soloflex is the only way to exercise in style and modern comfort in your home. The two of you are both intractable on the subject and, despite having an otherwise healthy relationship, have been fighting about this for months on end now.
And we don’t just mean “arguments and occasional scuffles where you have to tell co-workers you wrestled with your cat last night.” We mean “full out gang warfare between the two of you and your ideological companions.”
Most of the people who give a fuck about the Soloflex v. Bowflex conflict at this point in time will be super ripped dudes with no idea of how to fight and a desire to flex off against one another, but a tiny percentage of each gang will consist of disaffected teens just looking for a reason to snap. These teens will relish violence and drag the entire organization into it.
At first it’ll just make the entire issue more interesting for you but after a few fatalities and an attempt on your lady-love’s life the gravity of the situation will dawn on you. As cute as fighting each other with bike chains is, something will have to give.
You’ll contact a relationship therapist who will in turn suggest another, better relationship therapist hidden in the Alps. You and your girlfriend will go off in search of this therapist, leaving your gangs to ravage one another. Eventually you’ll realize that the original therapists just had you wander off in the Alps as a relationship strengthening exercise (what therapists normally do in these situations anyhow) and, in your absence, let the more violent members of each gang kill each other off rapidly.
After a few weeks away from douchebags and teenagers the whole issue of what a totally irrelevant exercise machine is called will seem a lot less threatening to your relationship. Also the inter-gang warfare will escalate rapidly and the few surviving members of each gang will retreat to use their Solo and Bowflexes (respectively) in peace and try to bulk up in the event that they have to street fight again.
You and your girl will stay in the Alps for various legal reasons, emerging just long enough to survey the blogosphere and ensure that no one is attempting to find and murder you for your opinions on exercise equipment. You’ll live out your lives in relative happiness until you finally separate over the much more relevant “is it okay to have sex with this woman?” issue in your relationship, which will have emerged during the interim.
Congratulations on Ending the Conflict!
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