The mask won't fit right, so each time you leap the rubber
material will flop in front around, obscuring your vision for a few
seconds. The odor of Cheezit crackers
and deli meat will fill the mask, and the performance will require that you
look forward as you hop, which will make completing a take an arduous
task. It'll take almost an hour and a
half for you to complete your meticulously constructed work of art, entitled
"Attention Whore Cockless Goblin," which will actually be similar to
the amount of time it will take you to complete the paperwork required to
submit said work to the Swedish Moderna Museum.
It will be accepted, and you'll be treated to a gala on your
behalf where you'll realize, suddenly, that no one really likes you.
"This is to be of how we explain art to stupid
people," the curator will explain.
"Your dumb heavy handed art will make them feel small and
irritated, but open up the valves of criticism so that they may spout their
word holes."
You'll thank him for his kind words, at which point he'll
ask if you heard him correctly. He'll
easily be the most polite person you meet all night.
Over the course of the gala, most people will simply refuse
to talk to you. One woman will spit in
your face. Another will punch you in the
stomach while her boyfriend holds your arms behind you. An old man will kick you in the groin before
informing you that he fought in World War II so that shitheads like you could
make shit like this for idiots, but that he'd do it all over again for the joy
of killing krauts.
You will be indisposed and, as such, will not be able to form
a reply to him, or any of your other erstwhile critics, for that matter. When you return home for the night to go to
sleep you will, for the first time in your life, feel appropriately ashamed of
yourself.
Congratulations on Filming Yourself Hiding Your Own Dick!
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