Congratulations on Teaching Screenwriting to College Students!

Teaching is great, but you know what's even better?  Sleeping with emotionally disturbed sophomores whose mood medication makes their breasts grow tremendously, and makes them largely open to just about any experience that comes their way.  That's the real reason you became a film professor, that and your father's relentless disappointment in your life choices.  Usually, thanks to a combination of white male privilege and the fact that you're so unattractive people would rather suffer for it than admit having had sex with you, you don't get called on having sex with your students.  But after a roll in the sheets with a young woman last night, things are going to get pretty interesting today when she shows up at your door with a screenplay and a demand that you get her work produced, lest she show the dean a series of incriminating photographs she had her roommate take while your dick was in her mouth.

You'll try to explain to her that you don't have the power to produce screenplays, that your lack of this power is, in fact, a big part of why you're a college professor and not a screenwriter, but she won't listen.  She'll insist that you show the screenplay to "one of your Hollywood bigshot type friends and get it made already."

You'll accede, and we'll end up with The Hangover 4, starring Luke Wilson, Vince Vaughn, and Tyler Labine, since the actual cast of The Hangover no longer wants anything to do with that film, and your student's screenplay will be of exceedingly poor quality (you're a terrible teacher).  The film will break even, but just barely, and your student will fall into work writing unproduceable pilots for a living.  She'll be considered an industry loss leader and, after a decade of producing absolute shit that no one, not even the fuckwits that run television studios, are interested in, will finally come forward with the pictures she took and get you fired from FSU.  By this point, you'll no longer care about losing your job, though, so it'll be kind of a relief for you to retire.

Congratulations on Teaching Screenwriting to College Students!