It is known that at high altitudes some people hallucinate
things. Sometimes, they'll hallucinate
stuff like sexy cartoon animals, or weirdly elaborate cakes. Sometimes they'll hallucinate loved ones
reaching out to them, calling them to come and visit the great beyond, where
they can be together forever.
Today, while climbing through the beautiful and deadly
Himalayas, you're going to hallucinate a rope bridge.
"Check it out," you'll shout to your wife. "Bridge!"
She'll stare at you like you're crazy, and shout "Wait,
don't, it's a - " but before she can get to the overlong phrase,
"Mountain mirage," you'll already have leapt on to the rope bridge
with both feet and, having hit nothing but air, you'll begin your rapid and
certain descent into a crevasse, where you'll break both your legs and die of
blood loss in a matter of minutes.
If it's any solace, your case will be used for years to come
as a cautionary tale, effectively educating thousands of climbers in proper
mountain-safety, and lending credency to a seemingly fake phenomena. Also, it'll free your wife from a loveless
marriage that was figuratively sucking the life out of her, which is good,
because no one should have to live without love.
Congratulations Mountaineer!
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