Congratulations Associate Partner!

There are many great sacrifices one can make for one's fellow man.  During war, men perform feats of great courage so that others might live on and honor their memory.  During peace, men create great works of art or give of themselves to better all of society, so that we might all live in a perfect world.

At your law firm, sometimes people take the fall so that your wealthy boss doesn't have to deal with the bother of paying off judges to avoid prison time.  There's no real nobility to the act: you don't get anything out of it, and your boss doesn't even know your names.  But you are briefly promoted to "associate partner," a position essentially invented by your boss so that people could sound important without having any actual power.

Today you're going to receive that promotion.

You'll be overjoyed.  You'll call your mother, exclaiming, "Ma, I made partnah, sorta!"  You will, when prompted, be unable to inform her of what the responsibilities of your new position actually are, which she'll be concerned about.

"Why would they give you a job that you can't describe the function of?" she'll ask.  You'll brush her off and call your girlfriend just as she pulls into the parking lot of her therapists office.  Your girlfriend will ask a series of similar questions, which will terminate in a similar fashion, except your girlfriend, unlike your mother, will talk to her therapist, and not your estranged father, about where your life what wrong, what's wrong with the people who love you, and how responsible she is for trying to improve your shithole of a life.

Your last phone call will be to your boss who, under the circumstances of your promotion, you'll come to see as something of an equal.  You'll promise never to let him down, to which he'll respond "I certainly hope not," voice dripping with menace.  You won't think anything of it at the time, but next Monday, when you're in that courtroom looking at that judge, realizing you're going to spend a decent chunk of your life in a minimum security prison, something will seem just a little off about his words, his tone of voice, the way he laughed, a menacing pock marked thing, at the end of his sentence.

Congratulations Associate Partner!