The loaded gun was a recommendation from your ex wife. She told you that she could simply not love you
anymore and that, by merit of your means of employment, you would never find
love again in the world. She said
"put a bullet in a gun, put the gun in your mouth, spin the chamber and
pull the trigger."
You've been taking her advice every night since she left
and, sure enough, tonight, three nights in, probability is going to catch up
with you. You're going to pull a
trigger, the bullet is going to be struck by a hammer and projected out of the
chamber at 810 feet per second by a chemical explosion trapped just behind its
center of mass. As it is propelled
outward, the bullet will encounter the forward facing base of your skull. It will penetrate the bone easily, move
through the mass of brain matter located near the stem of your brain, and then
continue out the other end.
You'll be left largely unaware of what has happened, since
the exceptional speed and force of the bullet will obliterate the sections of
your brain normally given over to baseline function. Without those sections, your body will cease
operating almost immediately, and your capacity to comprehend what has happened
to you will simply no longer exist.
On the upside, the world will be left with one fewer
Christopher Walken impersonator, which will be pretty great. We're all psyched to hear that.
Congratulations Christopher Walken Impersonator!
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