Congratulations Butterfinger Commercial Lover!

The first round will catch him in the shoulder.  You don’t believe in warning shots.

It’ll spin him to the ground in a neat spiral of blood and leave him writhing there in agony, moaning at your.

“Why?” he’ll murmur.  You won’t respond at first.  You’ll rise from your seat slowly, walk over to where he’s laying prone and look down at him before you say:

“Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger.”

Then you’ll shoot him twice in the head.

Later, at the trial, your “a commercial taught me that this is an appropriate way to behave” defense will fail miserably.  You’ll find yourself in jail for a long, long time, getting raped a lot.  But your commissary account will be absolutely flush with Butterfinger candy bars from supporters and adherents.  Nestle will begin a legal defense fund in your name and within a matter of weeks a rash of copycat killings will occur in offices around the country.  The security footage of your heroic shooting will go viral, and you’ll have the fame you always craved.

Congratulations Butterfinger Commercial Lover!