Congratulations Discount Taint Inspector!

Venereal diseases are a huge problem nowadays, no foolin’. And there are few things more important to a person’s physical, mental and social help than getting checked regularly for VD. But who can afford it? Who can take the time to slog over to Planned Parenthood for their “free” check up? Time is money, PP! And two subway stops is a little bit far for most of us to venture in order to keep our diseased members from infecting our various partners with god knows what that we already have. If those people want to be lil’ miss fresh and clean they can go out on their own and get their precious little holes poked and prodded at great inconvenience and expense.

That’s why we all jumped for joy when we spotted your Craigslist ad for your services as a “discount taint inspector” today. Your reasonable rates that circumvent unfortunate social constructs such as “the healthcare system” and “doctor-patient confidentiality.” Your convenient at-home services (billing for transport to and from locations an understandable necessity). And most of all your plain, easy to understand language in the ad itself, with terms such as “hoo ha” and “thingamajig.”

So today we salute you, sir! We hope that our internet plug and your inherent ability to suss out just what’s wrong with stranger’s junk serves you well in the coming months and that your indefatigable optimism sees your through your many pending lawsuits!

Congratulations Discount Taint Inspector!