Congratulations on Personifying Human Wreckage for a Day!

Most days you’re a lady lawyer. You’re black, sassy and a little bit too smart for your own good but you teach us lessons about life so we like you and most of your weird, somewhat off-color opinions, like your controversial stance on the estate tax.

But today, through a magical scarab, you’re going to be transported into the body of a white man with a big bushy beard and a wild look to his eyes. This man will normally live on the streets with a heavily tattooed woman in her mid forties named Starla. He will have no occupation, no accomplishments to his name and no future. He will be the literal personification of human wreckage: physically and emotionally ruined, bereft of any positive qualities. Just for context, once he gets in your body he’s just going to start masturbating furiously.

But you, you’re going to immediately set about improving his life once you get into his. As a black woman it’s a fact that you pretty much have it worse than any person in history ever and while that white dude rams your fingers into your puss just to see if it feels like you’d always imagined, you’ll be applying for jobs, grooming your beard, and doing your best to ignore Starla, who will constantly be trying to suck on your chafed, diseased penis.

When your day in the destitute man’s body is done you won’t even have learned his name, unless his name is “big daddy.” But you will have secured a small business loan for him, found him an apartment and written down a six page list, bullet points only, of potential ways for him to improve his life.

When tomorrow comes you’ll switch bodies back, and he’ll promptly ruin everything you did. But for a while there you totally proved how much easier white people have it in life than everyone else, and even though you looked horrible while you were doing it you look fantastic now.

Do you have any plans for tonight?

Congratulations on Personifying Human Wreckage for a Day!