Congratulations Mechanical Pencil Hoarder!

Your office doesn’t do pens the way most places do. They’re bigger and better than that. They don’t fuck around, they don’t waste time and they’re not afraid of paying a little extra to get something much, much better. So instead of ordering Bics they order dozens and dozens of mechanical pencils each week and stock them in the places you’d normally find pens.

Most people show up and see this shit and they’re just blown away.

“Fuck me,” one of your temporary co-workers will have said upon her first day in the office, her jaw dropping. “Pencils.”

But you, you’re kind of a dick. And when you show up to temp for a four day period where you’re expected to do some light filing and answer phones while the permanent receptionist is out to get a boob job using the company’s health plan (they really are a spectacular company) you’re going to see those mechanical pencils and react in a startlingly similar way to the woman we mentioned earlier.

“Fuck me,” you’ll mumble. “Pencils.” Then you’ll stroke the beard you grew to look a little more like Jonathan Frakes and start plotting on how to steal as many pencils as possible over the next four days.

By the end of day once you’ll have collected a dozen mechanical pencils. You’ll have also mapped out the movements and habits of everyone in your office so thoroughly that you’ll be able to double that sum tomorrow and triple it the next day without attracting any notice. What’s really impressive is that you’ll have a scheme in place to clear out the entire supply of mechanical pencils for the office, hundreds of the things, on your last day.

This will mean that, should we ever need a mechanical pencil or should mechanical pencils ever become a form of currency within our society, you’ll find yourself in high demand. It also means that you will never be asked to temp at that particular office or by the agency that placed you there again. But at least you’ll have your pencils. Hundreds and hundreds of pencils.

Congratulations Mechanical Pencil Hoarder!