Congratulations on Making It Look Just Like She's Dancing!

You’re one of those sailors with a sweet ass tat of a sexy lady on your forearm and not a whole lot of interests aside from masturbating and looking at old copies of popular mechanics. That means you’ve got about scads of time to devote to weird shit such as, but not limited to, finding ways to amuse strangers using your body art.

For a while you’d just flash it at strangers in bars and nod at them, requesting that they “check it out,” but lately you’ve grown a great deal more ambitious in the manner in which you try to harass other coffee shop patrons. You’ve started figuring out how to do tricks with your only tattoo.

At first they were limited. You figured out how to make her look fat (stretch the skin on your arm or gain a shitload of weight in a short period of time), how to make it look like she’d been attacked by Jack the Ripper (cover her in red marker) and how to make her look like a sexy, successful investment banker (carefully draw a suit over her strained bathing suit). But these are all kind of high concept, and you’d like to get something that more people can appreciate, or appreciate at all without the aid of extremely thorough explanation.

So today you’re going to go to a community college class for people with only one tattoo and a dearth of additional interests and ask them to teach you how to make it look like your tattoo is dancing. The gentleman teaching the class, an overweight trucker named Shanksley, will spit, nod and say “Okay.” Then he’ll hold out his hand until you slap five hundred dollars into it.

Two hours later you’ll be jiggling your arm like a pro, making it look just like the mostly-naked woman on your arm is twisting back and forth with the skin of your arm as you move it.

Overjoyed, you’ll shout your thanks at the trucker as you rush out of his classroom towards the nearest coffee shop, ecstatic at the prospect of showing your new-found skill to an unaccompanied co-ed and hopefully getting her number in the process. The trucker will ignore you as you leave, his hat already tucked over his eyes as he drifts off to sleep.

Congratulations on Making It Look Just Like She’s Dancing!