Today you’re going to be laying in your bed covered in money which itself will be covered in a thin residue of gasoline following a successful gas station robbery. You’ll have just finished having sex with your favorite prostitute using an oil based lube and extremely flammable condoms (she’s not very bright and doesn’t realize that the oil based lube makes the condoms worthless, devaluing her as a whore) so you’ll want to celebrate. And what better, more American way to celebrate a pretty big theft than to light up in bed with a woman who is paid to let you spill your seed on her tits while you’re covered in gasoline and flammable items?
The answer, of course, is by mourning 9-11 briefly and somberly following your sexual episode. Sadly this wisdom will be lost on you as it will come only seconds after you and your escort are engulfed in flames following the first strike of your disposable lighter. You will die screaming, your money burning around you, cursing Osama Bin Laden for condemning you to this fate.
Congratulations on Accidentally Lighting Your Bed on Fire!
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