Congratulations Coffee Head!

You really like coffee. Like, a lot. So much so that you can’t go a morning without it.

“I’LL SUCK YOUR DICK!” you’ll shout at your husband as he emerges from the bathroom.

“Huh?” he’ll respond, legitimately confused.

“GET ME SOME FUCKING DUTCH BROTHERS, MOTHERFUCKER!” you’ll say, pulling on his hair while simultaneously groping his crotch.

“Oh…kay,” he’ll say, baffled both by your actions and the variety of stimuli his body is currently receiving. You’ll grab him by the tie and drag him to your Corolla, occasionally dragging your hand over his groin to remind him that you will, the moment coffee is within grasp, introduce his penis into the heaven that is your mouth.

He’ll roll out of your driveway and down Foster, trailing towards the always-packed Dutch Brother’s drive-through. While in line you’ll get impatient. You’ll unzip his fly and start working him with your hand, still not looking him in the eye.

“I just want to get this out of the way while we’re in line,” you’ll declare before moving your mouth over his penis and beginning the mechanical business of removing all of the semen from it as quickly as you can.

He’ll grunt and groan and occasionally remove the parking brake and let the car slide forward tentatively. He’ll even order while you blow him, barely containing his voice for the few seconds required to request a mocha for him and a large black coffee for you. He’ll finish as he receives the coffees, shivering with pleasure as the barista passes him the drinks.

You’ll immediately withdraw your mouth, the taste of him still fresh on your breath, and rip your coffee out his hand. You’ll gulp it down, relishing the scalding sensation on your tongue as it winds down your throat and into your stomach, filtering precious drug product into your body.

“Thanks honey,” you’ll say, kissing him on the cheek.

“No problem,” he’ll say, gasping as he pulls out into traffic, clutching his mocha to keep you from downing it in a single gulp, because you’re a junkie, and junkies cannot be trusted.

Congratulations Coffee Head!