Congratulations Swarm of Bats!

Today you’re the incorporeal intelligence governing a swarm of ravenous bats. Some would say that you’re some kind of sonar bullshit or something, but we all know the truth. Bats have a hive mind, and today you’re it.

You’re going to be super into it, too. First you’ll wake up and make the bats huddle together for warmth and poop upside down. It’s going to be fantastic and for the first time your life you’re going to be happy with the morning routine you’ve stumbled upon. You’ll even get a few of the bats to have upside down sex, which a fantasy you’ve always had. Living vicariously through them will be kind of bittersweet, but more than that it’ll be edifying. You’ll look at them and see ways you could potential make upside-down cave sex work.

Then you’ll get the bats to fly around the cave a little and catch bugs. You’ll also get a few of the bats to think about fruit idly for a while before deciding that it’s too bright outside and that they’d rather not go there at present.

Then the bats will settle in for nap-time, again at your discretion.

After naptime you’ll direct the bats in their nightly terrorizing of cavers. You’ll make them swarm around the cavers’ heads and dive at them and bite at them and generally make the cavers’ day unpleasant. You’ll even kill a few of them, which will make the bats really happy because bats are kind of dicks.

All in all it’ll be the most active day you’ve had since you entered this coma, and it’ll change your whole outlook on the situation you’re in which is medically considered life.

Congratulations Swarm of Bats!