Life isn’t so bad for you, really. You’re a little bit of an ugly mug, but you’re hung like a horse and you have no qualms about using your incredible powers for evil instead of holding them back constantly to do some weird, abstracted version of good. You live fat off your super villain status, robbing banks and taking people hostage for incredibly large ransoms which you then invest in shorting sub-prime mortgages.
Briefly put, evil is a very profitable business for you and you engage it expertly, if a bit bluntly. But you’re always compared to your “successful” good half. You’d try killing him, but that never works out. And you’d try outdoing him with charitable donations, but for some reason people are a lot more excited about saving jet airliners than they are about Pakistanis left without food and shelter receiving aid because of your generosity.
As a result you spend most of your days miserable, staring out across your jungle paradise wishing just once something would go your way. Well today is your lucky day.
Today an incredibly violent Amazon princess from beyond the stars is going to crash-land in your jungle (this shit happens in the world you live in constantly, so that isn’t the exceptional part). This Amazon princess is going to carve a swath of destruction through the piece of land you call home. Since you like your home this isn’t going to sit well with you, and you’re going to flip shit and fight her.
But she’ll be hot. Like, really really hot. Jordana Brewster at the start of her career hot. And while you grapple you’ll develop an incredibly huge erection. The Amazon princess from beyond the stars will see how big your junk is and her interest will be piqued. She knew she was in for some surprises on this planet, but she’d never expect to find something as weird and exotic as your dick (It’s kinda bent. You are Bizarro after all).
She’ll look in your eyes and see that burning itch to hate fuck the living shit out of her and she’ll plant a nice big kiss right on your deformed face.
What follows will be the best relationship either of you have ever had. And while we can’t see past this day and, ergo, can’t see just what will come for the two of you in the future, it’s fair to say that whatever it is will be pretty...bizzaro!
Also, it’ll involve some pretty incredible sex which will be more than a little weird to watch.
Congratulations Bizarro Superman!
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