Congratulations on Setting the Spike Perfectly!

You’re one of those super sexy lady volleyballers with a ponytail, a pair of sunglasses and a chip on your shoulder to anyone who’s too big a pussasaurus to step up to you on the court. Your favorite masturbation video is that one gay scene from Top Gun and you have difficulty engaging people in a conversation unless it relates to volleyball in some way. Luckily you’re good at spinning it into conversations so you can manage to draw in topics as diverse as Haiti, the Afghan war and, as you likely guessed from our earlier reference, the film Top Gun and jet-fighter pilots as a whole.

You’re serious about volleyball. Deadly serious. So serious, in fact, that during the Big Game Which We’re Not Aware of the Name of Because We Have Social Lives Outside Volleyball you’re going to get a little bit too intense. You’re going to set a spike so perfectly that when one of your super sexy, buff, socially retarded teammates spikes your set from behind you it’ll kill one of the other super sexy ladies playing white-ball sport.

This will have two immediate repercussions. Your team will win the tournament, as per the official rules of volleyball, and you’ll be found guilty as an accessory to the crime of manslaughter. Your attorney will try to get you off but that set will be such a perfect movement, such a perfect lead for such a perfect spike into the perfect place at the perfect moment to lead to the perfect decapitation with a leather ball that his defense will fall on deaf ears.

“How could she have set such a perfect spike and not expected this to happen?!” the prosecution will scream, pointing to you as you hang your head in shame. “A creature of such grace could make no error!”

The jury will harrumph in agreement and you’ll be sentenced to eighteen months with a chance for parole in six.

The upside is that your “how’d you get in here” story will revolve around volleyball and, ergo, actually help you interact with people in the joint. The downside is that you’ll become the head of a volleyball based prison gang and, upon your release, enter into a life of ruthless crime centered around volleyball.

But at least we’ll all have months of super hot lesbian sex to look forward to!

Congratulations on Setting the Spike Perfectly!