Congratulations on Figuring Out What Was Making All That Noise Under the Floorboards!

At first you’ll be super excited. Pulling back that board to reveal a makeshift city of cardboard boxes and crudely formed tiny bricks will make you remember just what it felt like to be a kid, to believe, or even know, that there were tiny worlds all around you teeming with unseen life.

The mice will flee at the sight of you. At first you’ll feel kind of guilty, sighing as they skitter away on their cute little legs. But then you’ll recognize missing boxes of cereal and flour and you’ll realize that these fuckers have been stealing from you for months, maybe even years to build there little communist paradise under the floor. These freeloaders have been taking as they please and leaving you naught but mouse shit. You’ll want to strike the little fuckers, to let them know that you are not to be trifled with, but then one of them will emerge from his mouse-house clutching something.

He’ll offer it up to you in what you’ll take to be supplication, chitterring and nervously glancing at you, clearly fearful that a long, direct look might warrant some sort of wrath. Startled, you’ll examine the item.

It’ll appear to be some sort of parchment, delicately folded, with tiny tiny writing on it. You’ll take out your jewelers tools and examine it with the looking glass, shocked to see what appear to be flowing letters. You’ll struggle to identify them for what seems like an eternity before you just google them and realize that they’re Sumerian characters. With a sigh you’ll cast the parchment back to the mice people and open up the phone book to F, working backwards, trying to find an exterminator with a funny sounding name.

Congratulations on Figuring Out What Was Making All That Noise Under the Floorboards!