Congratulations Racially Diverse Gang!

Tonight's the night!  The night every single gang in North America (Mexico aside) has been waiting for!  The night of the Gangies!

The Gangies, as if you didn't know, are a series of awards commemorating exceptional behavior in the field of organized crime and collectivized violence.  Former Gangie winners include The Purple Gang, Butch Cassidy, Nancy Kerrigan, and Kingping, from the Spiderman comic books.  While the Gangies historically emerged to award particularly brutal mobsters with conspicuous trophies, the awards have more recently become a means of promoting socially responsible behavior among gang members.  Not like, safer streets stuff.  More like stuff that makes gangs more socially progressive in their insane violence.  Awards are given out for creating LGBTQ safe spaces using intimidation tactics, racketeering, and systematic violence, for promoting female gang members to prominent non-prostitute positions, and, most notably, for constructing socially and racially diverse gangs in an attempt to distance notions of "gang life" from allegations of bigotry or racism.

Tonight you and your gang, the Detroit Skullfuckers, are going to win an award for exceptional achievement in diversity.  See, every member of the Skullfuckers comes from a different cultural and religious background.  Anyone who is already represented in the gang can try to fight their way in, but it's a fight to the death, so factions never develop.  You've managed to amass an impressive number of gang members (twelve!) and so you qualify for a Gangie, at long last.

Tonight, you're going to go up on stage and accept your award.  Immediately afterwards, a cadre of Mexican cartels will show up at the venue and burn everyone inside alive, sending a powerful message to the surviving Gangie leadership committee members about discrimination, tolerance, and respect.  Only one of your gang members will survive: Tsai, the Chinese Muslim.

He will later write a book about the experience.  It will fail to break the New York Times Best Seller list by a narrow margin, proving once and for all that America hates original stories about interesting Muslims more than it likes violence and crime.

Congratulations Racially Diverse Gang!