Congratulations Fraudulent Lawyer!

There's lots of ways to make a living.  You make it as a lawyer.  But you're not a real lawyer.  You're a fraudulent lawyer!

"What does that mean?" the desperate young woman in your office will ask you.  "Do you specialize in fraud causes?"

You'll shake your head.

"Nope," you'll tell her, putting a cigarette out in the elaborate ivory ashtray on your desk.

"Then what?" she'll ask, holding out a cigarette for a light.

You'll put a lighter made out of a vintage hand grenade from WW2 and spark her up.  As she exhales into your face you'll breath it in, lick your lips real nice and creepy and whisper at her:

"I'm not a real lawyer."

She'll inhale and hold it, thinking, before she lets it out and punctuates her exhale with a "What?"

"I never passed the bar or went to law school, and I never appear in court.  I just trick people into giving me money, then relocate.  I share part of my earnings with my clients, to enlist them in keeping the authorities off my back."

"Really?" she'll say, rubbing your crotch through your pants.

"Really," you'll reply.

With that, she'll clap a handcuff on one of your wrists and then slip the other end on your chair.

"You're under arrest," she'll inform you, flashing a badge from the International Lawyer Commission.  You'll try to spit on her, but it'll just get on your pants, so you'll start flipping out, screaming at her.

"YA GOT ME AGAIN," you'll shout at her.  "GOD DAMN DAMES!  YA GOT ME AGAIN!"

Congratulations Fraudulent Lawyer!