In the middle of Arizona you're out
there, putting things in test tubes, shaking them up, then high fiving when the
test tubes overflow with weird brown liquid.
You're not the best scientists, but you make up for it by high fiving a
lot and having sex in various storage closets filled with various caustic
materials.
But there's a problem: the vile
National Science Foundation, chaired by Dean Evilman, is threatening to take
away funding for your party lab unless you do some real science. So what are you going to do? The only thing you can do! Science as hard as you party!
You'll construct an elaborate
experiment aimed at generating a new kind of highly lucrative plastic explosive
which, as a byproduct, will make an incredible alcoholic (and somewhat toxic)
beverage. Most of you will be pretty
wasted, so you'll be a lot more focused on producing a reaction that
effectively generates the desired byproduct than you will be on the efficacy,
reliability and precision of the explosive you're generating.
The end result: today your lab is
going to explode, and all of you, every single moronic one of you, is going to
die in a fire. A gout of liquor will
shoot out from the hole in the earth where your lab once was, a gout of liquor
stained red with blood, matted with scraps of clothing and bone, bubbling up
from the surface, leaking out into the desert in filthy rivulets.
The NSF will not present funds to
memorialize you, nor will any publications make note of your destruction. You partied too hard to register on the radar
of contemporary science. Only teens who
you used to give booze in exchange for sexual favors will mourn your passing,
by having sex at the edge of what they'll tentatively call "Booze and
Blood Lake."
Congratulations Bad Scientists!
No comments:
Post a Comment