Please, please, please. Stop talking. You’re a terrible storyteller and every time you open your mouth what emerges is a mix of cliché and ignorance. Your inability to discern between expensive things and good things has grown irksome to even your occasional acquaintances and your perception of culture is so hilariously distorted that trying to follow your point is like trying to follow some sort of retarded ninja: it’s fucking impossible, and pretty pointless.
Even when you find something cool it’s like hearing a lobotomite discuss a topic to hear you elucidate it. Case in point: today you’re going to see one of your co-workers wearing an X-Men t-shirt and you’ll proceed to describe the Scott Pilgrims in such inaccurate and inarticulate detail that you’ll make them sound like the plot of Steel Magnolias. We’d go over how you fuck it up line by line, but we don’t have all day (Jerry needs a ride to his court date so he can try to keep his kid) so we’re just going to give you our breakdown of the last bit.
Scott Pilgrim is not, as you claim, “exactly like the Matrix except without robots.” It isn’t like the Matrix at all and it has robots. Just stop talking in general and you’ll make everyone around you much, much happier.
Congratulations on Ruining Scott Pilgrim for Everyone in Your Office!
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